So how hot is it where you are today?

The local weather report online says here in the Philippines, particularly Manila, it’s around 32 degrees, it’s all numbers, sure, but then to the average schmoe (like me) it’s FRIGGIN’ HOT, MAN! I really don’t care about the comparison to other days, other summers, or even other countries (well, maybe, other countries, yeah, it can’t be hotter here than it is in the Sahara, the biggest desert in the world), but this heat is just downright torture, man, and this coming from a guy who has a pretty high heat tolerance.

I can’t even begin to imagine how some of the people i come across on my way to work tolerate having to wear long-sleeved shirts and even jackets while walking on the street to wherever it is they are going to. I’d like to say this is probably because it’s comparatively cooler in the morning while i am on my way to work, but then it really isn’t, because from the moment the sun is up, whatever little coolness the nighttime air had (which is already scarce), evaporates almost instantaneously. But then if that works for them well then i won’t knock it.

I go to work at times wearing either flip flops or below-the-knee shorts (but never both at the same time!) to alleviate the insufferable heat sometimes, although this is not really much help, especially when i come across insensitive morons in the elevator who still manage to step on my toes while moving back. It’s not as if i’m the kind of guy that’s easy to miss because of my size, i stand six feet flat and weigh two hundred pounds. You’d think with that kind of mass, you’d at least NOTICE that you’re moving into someone and stepping on their feet. It’s sometimes an effort NOT to embed a person’s face into the steel wall of the elevator after they step on your exposed toes.

Wearing below-the-knee shorts can sometimes also be detrimental to you, especially if you happen across morons riding diminutive motorcycles, and they try to back into you as they move backwards without looking, and you dodge just so they don’t roll over your feet or brand your exposed leg with their scalding-hot exhaust pipe. I swear, sometimes on the road, the people around you were just either cursed to be infinitely stupid or insensitive, or are intentionally trying to hurt just for kicks, or maybe so they can get their jaws broken in three places after i introduce their face to my fist.

So how else can you beat the summer heat while on your way to work?

You could take a cab to work, although sadly, around 40% to 50% of cab drivers in the metro think since they’re driving around in an air-conditioned cab, maybe the passenger won’t notice that they neglected to bathe. Poor passengers are therefore treated to the nauseating odor of eau-de-athlete’s foot, or worse, essence of day-old sweaty underarm. Onion spray, anyone?

Ugh. The hell with summer. Bring on the disease-bearing floods of may.